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Why Every Mom Needs A Vitamix

By on 10/02/2015
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Sometime around last Christmas, I was introduced to the supreme wonders of the Vitamix. Weeks later, I experienced housewife hysteria as I unwrapped the big box under the tree. My sweet Santa had bestowed upon me the Best. Gift. Ever.

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Photo Credit: HGTV

This self-cleaning, age-defying object of my desire literally levitated from its shiny red and green cocoon and descended upon my already too-small kitchen counter. There it stood in all its plastic glory with two switches, a knob, and one big, bad baton-thing. In all fairness, there was no claim of a ‘quiet engine,’ so I should have seen the eardrum puncture coming.

I gleefully unloaded my entire vegetable drawer into the indestructible chasm perched on its heavy black base. I closed my eyes and flipped the switch with dramatic flair.

Not so bad. A quiet humming lulled us into a trance as the veggies disintegrated. But I wanted a smoothie, not some leafy drink, like when a tea bag is nuked wide open in your mug.

I amped it up to ’10’ and that’s when it happened. The whole world stopped. There we were, all ten of us, surrounding our new freaking, shrieking blender on LSD, watching its furious whirl with apocalyptic awe in our eyes. The toddlers couldn’t speak or even cry out in fear. They were paralyzed. The single-digit kids stopped fighting. My teens were rendered deaf and dumb. My husband just watched, trying to register exactly what monster he had created.

My first thought echoed above the piercing vibration in my head, “What the….!” My fingers ineptly tried to find the ‘off’ setting.

As I squinted away from the din, my gaze happened to fall on each stunned face in my brood. My second thought came, quiet and clear:

“This…is brilliant.”

I had finally found something that’s louder than eight children.

All my problems were solved. Sure, I want glowing skin like any mom does. And the mere possibility of erasing twenty years of sleeplessness with a few extra stalks of celery has its allure. But nothing tops the instant silencer of the Vitamix.

“Where do babies come from?”
Whirl.

“Can you pick me up at 11 tonight?”
Whirl.

“Are you the Tooth Fairy?”
Whirl.

“Can you bake 30 cupcakes for my class?”
Whirl.

I suddenly found the key to my deepest thinking, the deafening roar of a blender in the heart of the home; the ultimate interruption-killer, whine-blitzer, and tiff-terminator all in one sleek appliance.

You might even wonder…does this mom ever keep it on ’10’ for some prolonged peace and quiet?
Whirl.
I’ll never tell.

Tara Sareen
Tara is a Certified Health Coach for mothers in the Greater Boston Area. She lives with her husband and eight children. As the founder of iCrave Coaching, Tara coordinates her clients' wellness goals around nutrition, weight loss, appropriate physical activity and stress management. Find her at http://www.iCraveCoaching.com and on Facebook at iCrave Coaching.
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