Forgive or Forget? Why Forgiveness Can Be The Best Option

To forgive or to forget? That may be the real question here. 

The truth of it all is, that sometimes life is just not clear cut and determining whether or not someone actually deserves your forgiveness can be the same. I'm pretty stubborn when it comes to forgiving people, but that doesn't necessarily mean I'm right. For so long, I felt it easiest to just ignore the person or cut them completely out of my life, but in addition, I would not forgive them. 

By not forgiving people who truly did hurt me, led to the creation of very deep grudges which in no way benefited myself. What I've realized is, you can definitely forgive people while also forgetting them. This (in my opinion) can be the healthiest way to handle things. There are definitely some people who we just don't need in our lives any more, and as angry as we are with them, forgiving them may actually help us move on.

Of course there may be horrible situations where you feel forgiveness is absolutely not an option, but in terms of the big picture, you may find it's best to just forgive. 

So how do we even do that? Well, everyone's personal process of finding forgiveness is different but I still think it's the best option and here's why: 

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It Puts Your Mind At Ease

Those angry feelings or feelings of disappointment when someone hurts or betrays us are totally normal. However, if we never let those feelings go, they fester and make us feel worse. 

There have been a few times in my life where someone I loved and trusted has completely disappointed me in a way that made me feel like I never wanted to see them again. So I did exactly that but I still didn't feel any better about what had actually happened. I still found myself replaying the news of what they had done, imagining how the situation went down and hoping that karma got them back one day. But what was any of that going to do for myself? Nothing. 

I felt anxious, sad and really angry. I decided that instead of keeping those feelings, I would get rid of them. I forgave them and in due time, I felt better.

You'll Feel Last Resentment

Resentment is not a pleasant feeling. It brings out some of the worst parts of myself - the parts no one likes. It makes me negative, antsy, and hard to be around. 

I completely understand those initial feelings of anger, and feeling like you will never let this go. But in the long-run, you'll find yourself in a better place mentally.

Additionally, it helps the process of moving on. If you never actually let yourself accept the situation and deal with those feelings, you'll never move on. Forgiveness allows you to do this.

You Grow In A Positive Way

I think one of the hardest parts of a conflict like this has been the idea that I've lost a friend. When someone you love betrays your trust, it can easily taint all of the positive memories you've shared with them. For myself, I'd think of that funny time we shared together and even though it was great, it made me so sad - it doesn't have to be like this. 

Yes, you're no longer friends or they're no longer in your life but this is completely fine. By forgiving their actions, you can still view your memories in a positive way.

You CAN Forgive & Forget

Just because you offer forgiveness, does not mean that you are condoning or supporting that person's behavior. It simply means that you have accepted the situation, you understand it, and you want to put it in the past. You know not to make the same choices again, and you also learn that you may not want people of a similar nature in your life. 

You can by all means stop talking to someone but you can forgive them, too. You may find that offering your forgiveness will provide the most positive route for yourself. 

Forgiving those who hurt us is incredibly hard and can often feel like we're swallowing our pride, but there is no shame in understanding the failure of others. From understanding this, you can only grow.