Why It's OK To Let Go

We have all had people walk in and out of our lives; sometimes they have a reason and sometimes there’s none at all. No matter what the cause, it hurts.  

So it may seem weird that I’m suggesting that letting a friend leave your life without your protest would mean that you’re a good friend, but hear me out. 

Friend break ups are very, very real and also very hard. There have been people in my life who I swore would be there forever, only to find later on that I was wrong. People change and often go their separate ways. There are disagreements that are simply unsolvable and other times, you just run out of shared interests. 

What I’m talking about here, is that the best thing we can sometimes do for each other may be to openly accept that we both have changed. 

Photo Credit Wix

Have you ever tried desperately to just make it work with someone? I know I have. You find yourself going completely out of your way to accommodate the person, to do things they like, asking a great deal about just them because you want to hold on to the memories that you cherish. 

However, there comes a point when you actively realize that no matter how much of an effort you make, things are different and you just can’t fix that. I think one of the hardest things to do, especially with regard to friendships, is to accept defeat. 

None of us wants to wave the white flag and scream, “O.K I give up, I’ll let you leave my life forever!” Most of us are too prideful and we also don’t want to lose someone who was once so close to us. 

It may even get to the point where you openly acknowledge what a struggle it is to maintain the friendship and you’ll feel it take its toll on you, but there’s something in us that wants to keep fighting. 

It took me forever to realize what it was I was actually fighting for and the outcome surprised me. I used to think I was fighting to make this relationship last because we’d known each other so well and that was true, but only very partially. I was really fighting to hold on to the memories. If I accepted defeat, then the possibility of creating any more amazing times with this person was dead. 

We all know that the dynamic of best friends is unlike anything else and even when things start going down-hill we will constantly turn to the past to remind ourselves of how good it can be. 

I was chasing the positive memories that this person and I shared but what I didn’t realize is that we had not been making positive memories together for a long time. This was not a sudden realization, I had just been suppressing it and I needed to accept it. 

Don’t get me wrong, there are definitely some instances where two good friends can reconcile or they take some time and end up finding each other again, but I am not talking about one of those instances. 

I’m talking about that one moment when you understand that it’s just over. This seems a bit dramatic but if you’ve gone through this you know how sad it is. 

What I have realized is this, you don’t have to end things on bad terms. You don’t have to have a heated conversation followed by slamming doors or worse, silence. You don’t have to ice each other out or block each other into uncomfortable situations. You can simply understand the change and as one of your last acts as a best friend, let them go. 

Let them go, peacefully because nothing makes it worse than being catty about it or using ugly words. You’re hurt and you’re going to have mean thoughts, but use kinder actions. Remember how happy you two were together and remember that those positive memories will always be yours and will always make you smile, but understand that sometimes the best thing you can do for each other is to accept the death of a friendship. 

You can by all means remain civil and wish each other the best even if the friendship is over. It helps to know that things ended on a positive note because you still had their best interests at heart and it makes getting over this that much easier.