How To Deal With The End Of A Friendship

This is a topic that I’m all too familiar with, unfortunately. I have had my heart broken a few times from people that I once called my “best friends”. The death of a friendship can hurt just as much as the death of a romantic relationship, in my opinion. 

It’s not easy to just forget about someone who you spent a majority of your time with. What I think can make friendships incredibly difficult to get over is the fact that they don’t just leave with the other person. When you’re dating someone, if you two break up then it’s over. They go back to their lives and you go back to yours. 

If you and your friend break up it’s a bit more complicated because they are most likely from the same social circle and this makes it ten times harder to deal with. You’re going to be forced to see them and you’re going to have to be cordial (if you want to keep the peace). It’s really painful to try and move on from someone when they’re still standing right in front of you, but you will manage. 

Even though it can cause some anxiety, tears and initially make social gatherings uncomfortable, you will find your way. 

It most definitely takes some time to heal from the loss of a friendship but here are a few things that I’ve found helpful during the process: 

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1. Talk With Them About It 

Not every person is going to be open or even willing to discuss it with you, but if they are, then you’re in luck. 

Talking about the fact that you two are no longer friends can be immensely helpful in moving on. If you can both civilly sit down and discuss the good times, the bad times and your current situation this can definitely help speed up the recovery time. 

When you both can sit down with one another it can serve as a way to say, “Hey, we’re no longer best friends but I still respect you as a human being and I’m here to talk about it.” 

You may no longer be partners in crime but you certainly (in most cases) still respect each other enough to confront the conflict together. 

It helps to know that you’re still viewed in a positive light. 

2. Understand Why The Friendship Ended

I think it’s critical to understand where you went wrong and what the exact cause of death was. I once had an experience where the other woman simply would not explain to me what I had done wrong and it drove me insane. How can anyone expect you to learn or even understand a mistake if you won’t even tell them what it was? 

We’re not mind readers and even if the friendship cannot be salvaged, we deserve to know where we went wrong. Understanding why the friendship ended provides closure and can provide insight into your future relationships. 

3. Don’t Talk Badly About The Other Person

The urge to bad mouth this person may be very strong; they’ve just hurt you and your defenses are up. You’re probably not thinking the most rationally because your emotions are taking over but talking badly about them will not change what’s happened. 

Remember, this is a person who you have shared amazing memories with and it’s not worth tainting it with ugly words. Name calling will not bring the friendship back, it’s a waste of time. 

4. Enlighten Your Social Circle

Like I mentioned earlier, it’s very likely that this former best friend is from your current social circle and this makes this complicated. However, make the burden a little easier and enlighten your friends. Perhaps you and your former BFF can agree to do this together, but you should do it. 

Yes, this situation is awkward for you but think about your friends in this situation. They probably feel like you’re asking them to choose even if you’re not. 

Don’t leave them in the dark and let them know what’s going on. Explain that you know this is uncomfortable for everyone but you don’t want to make anyone feel pressured by your choices. 

You still love and care for them and yes, this is awkward but it will also pass. Make sure to stress that you and other people are going to remain civil and that you don’t want this to impact the entire group. 

Trust me, I know the last thing you want to be thinking about during this time is a communication strategy but it will make things easier in the long run.